AFAA BITCH

Yesterday, was workshop and certification day.

Finally, after months of studying...there I was!

I arrived in a state of preparedness. Full of excitement and enthusiasm, and even a bit nervous.

All of which completely evaporated in 5 minutes flat. These, instead. were replaced by utter annoyance and a compelling urge to slap the instructor stupid.

What is it with these instructors anyway? Must they speak to you, as though your a 5-year-old? She kept rolling her eyes at us, and gave us several tongue lashings throughout the day .....at one point, I thought we might be in for a good spanking...... How much did I pay for this shit????

Of course, this goes right along with my moron theory.....which is, for those of you who don't know: "When you put a moron in any position of authority, they covet it, they relish it, and always abuse it" ( case in point- the DMV clerks) Ha..you know what I'm talking about, don't you? So anyway............

As you can imagine, her approach didn't sit well with me....I don't eat shit well.

However, I didn't want the bitch to fail me, just because I told her that she was an imbecile loser and that I wanted to bash her head into the fucking wall. So I sat there in quiet submissiveness........ and ate it! I HATE EATING SHIT!!!!!!

But somehow I got through the day without being arrested for assault and battery, and left fairly confident in a passing grade. Praise the Lord !!! and pass the Vodka Tonics!!!

Hey Guys....I'm Back!

I just finished up my AFAA certification, which means............I CAN BLOG AGAIN!!!!!

I've spent the last 6 weeks, doing nothing but studying...and THANK THE LORD....It's OVER!!!! Ya-Fucking-HOO.......Look out for my next blog coming soon.....

"The AFAA BITCH"

See you soon!

CPR 101

CPR Class- What a friggin joke!
God forbid, that I ever be called upon to administer CPR to some unsuspecting, unlucky bastard, certified though I am.......I wouldn't have the foggiest idea, what to do!

Class was to commence at 6 p.m, and as always I was early, hence I sat in silence waiting for the instructor and the other participants to arrive. The class consisted of myself and 4 other women, and by 6:45 we were finally ready to begin.
Three of the ladies were roughly my age and seemingly of normal intelligence. The other was an 18 year old blond, college student, I presume, who never once looked up from her cell phone, and last but by no-means least was Mandy, a grotesquely obese, pain-in-the-ass, offensively loud, know it all, from hell....... There's one in every bunch!

Fatty's mouth ran like a ducks ass all evening. She didn't shut up for the entire class.
Except of course....while she was engrossed in the consumption of three...I say " THREE " Taco Bell Burrito Grandes, which she held in one enormous, utterly repulsive fist, while submerging it in guacamole, held in the other.
I sat there staring, aghast at this horrific scene.....
She sat there, gorging and slurping, dropping globs of avocado and bits of oily beef down her shirt while managing to cover a significant portion of the carpet with the shit, where we were soon to be kneeling, giving mouth-to-mouth, to a dated and foul smelling half- manikin... GROSS!!!!
I took Mr. Dummy and went to the other side of the room.

I spent the next half hour listening to our instructor drone on about the importance of gaining consent from an otherwise unconscious victim, only to be interrupted every minute or so by Mrs. Piggy with some witty remark or correction, of some sort...
Would somebody give her a fucking Taco, so she would SHUT-UP!
Later we were all instructed to kneel down and begin giving CPR. All 5 of us ( except for Porky, who was incapable of kneeling...bad knees, she said ) Uh-huh, whatever you say....

The next 15-20 minutes was spent giving mouth to mouth and cardiac compression to our "half-man manikins"...two breaths in and 30- two fisted compressions to the chest..again.....two breaths in....and 30 compressions to the chest. again....
I'm working my ass off- pumping away like the lunatic that I am, for being here in the first place, only to look over and see Blondie....doing a one hand compression, while texting on her cell phone with the other ! What the fuck?
Note to self: should I ever find myself choking or in cardiac arrest and look up to see one of these idiots--RUN!