Home Gym From Hell

I type this blog with a full-heart, half a finger, and only a marginally bruised ego.
What a friggin fiasco, the last few days have been..I hardly know where to begin.

Part One- Home Gym From Hell

If anyone out there, is even entertaining the notion, of purchasing a Gold's Gym X45 from Walmart.....Beware...Be VERY Aware!
It is an unrelenting living hell, an incubus of a beast that devoured a sizable chunk of my finger!The Krakata! The Bitch! Nightmares, of all nightmares....to assemble, and I can prove it!

It all began on Day One: While attempting to excavate the 300 pound box from my trunk. After 45 minutes of back-breaking strain, blood, sweat, and tears, I surrendered and began to remove it bit-by-fucking-bit, all 9000 pieces of it.
Okay, I'm exaggerating...slightly.
Three hours later I begin the monumental task of assembly.
The instructions read, Verbatim: "This assembly is designed, so that it can be completed by virtually anyone" What the Hell?
They neglected to mention that a fork lift and a BA in Diesel Mechanics would be helpful, if not essential!
Day three- Barely able to move. Every muscle fiber overloaded beyond capacity, and sadly minus half-a- digit.... assembly is near completion..HALLELUJAH!
( the half-a-digit remains somewhere lodged between Part#36 and Large Wing-Nut # 40 )
All that remains to be done, is for the the upper pulley cable, to be connected to the weight stacks.......Thank you Jesus! Praise God for small miracles!!!
But wait..............! It doesn't reach! It doesn't reach?? No Fucking Way? Your joking right? No such luck...There is no way ,on hell and earth, that they will ever connect..............Fuck me!
...to be continued..............