Jack Attack

Most of you are already acquainted with Jack...My kayaking "buddy". The kind old man whom I befriended on the lake recently.

As I sit here, attempting to write this story....I can't help but be honest with myself and you...my loyal Bleaders.(aka ..blog readers)

Jack is getting on my fucking nerves!

For some reason, unbeknownst to me---I've become an old-fart magnet! What the hell is up with that? I mean, I know I'm a compassionate and loving creature ..but what the fuck?..

They flock to me,......... like flies on shit!

I can't beat them off with a stick!

Enough already! Shit! Can't we just paddle about the stinking lake, chatting aimlessly, about the weather or something? But Noooooooo! Every 2 damned seconds, or so.. Jack shrieks at me ....BODY ROTATION! BODY ROTATION.,.."your
not using your body" !!!

Listen, you old fuck---I know how to move my body O.k?

But being the restrained and merciful human being, that I am..I suck it up and paddle on, grinning like the idiot I am! Gripping my paddle so tight, I fear it'll snap it two! My head is pounding and I'm considering drowning myself on the spot!....

Praise to God Almighty.....my cell phone rings...It's Adolf!!!!!! Hey Honey, he says...."having fun?" to which I reply...

OH NO!! really, I'll head back right now! Click.........

Family Emergency, I tell Jack. Gotta go!

I paddle like a son-of-a-bitch and reach shore in just short-of Olympic time...all the while wishing I hadn't long ago given up my recreational spending on smack!

Oh, the absurdity of it all!