Why Me?

During a recent shopping excursion, Atilla and I were standing in the Catsup isle, at our local Wallies...arguing as usual, about something or another...when we spotted, one of the most pitiful, gut-wrenching sights, either one of us had ever seen.
Standing before us, stood a debilitated, decrepit, old-invalid of a man..reaching out...hands shaking in a feeble attempt to reach a jar of yellow mustard.
His other hand faintly grasping his walker as he moved shakily and painstakingly slow. It was a dreadful sight...
Now, I'm telling you the truth, when I say he had only one eye..he really did !
The other was withered and folded over upon itself,,, a sad, sad sight.
Excuse me Sir ....can we help you with that? Yes..Henry stammers. ( I'll call him Henry)... as he hands me a mangled piece of paper, at which point Atilla is ready to burst into tears...

So, we set off to fill his list... By the looks of his hand-writing, I'm thinking..that he must have only one finger too, but I couldn't be sure. O.k...let's see.....Hormel Chili...Yellow mustard, Pork and beans.....What the hell? Is he opening up a frigging hot dog stand?
To each his own.. says Atilla.
After we loaded up his cart, we both decided, that we might as well help him check out....since we've come this far.
Are you driving? I ask him..
He glares up at me with his solitary eyeball, as if to say---yeah you fucking idiot, I'm driving!
Instead he says sadly ...I ride the bus here once every other week. God..does it get any worse??????.
So, being the loving, kindhearted person that I am, I offer up my number, and tell him that I'd be more than happy to pick him up once a month and take him shopping...Its the least I can do. I'm sure I see a tear in his eye as he accepts with gratitude. I give him a hug and wish him well, before hobbling off to his awaiting bus.
Now, don't we feel good about ourselves, I say to Atilla... We've done a very-good deed..
Yes indeedy!

Later that very evening...my phone rings.....................It's Henry! What? Already? I'm sure I clearly said once a month. But Henry has other things on his mind.
You know, he says, I haven't touched a women in 7 years, since my wife died, but when you hugged me earlier, it really aroused me......and I wanted to know, if you'd like to go out on a date tomorrow night?
What the fuck? Please correct me if I'm wrong...I'm young ( compared to 90 at least), tan, fit and not too hard on the eyes...or so I've been told...
What in the Sam-Hell, would make this old, one-eyed geezer, think that I would even be remotely interested in his half-dead ass!
Listen, you old PERV.....I was just trying to be nice to someone in need !!!!!!!!!
Oh, he says...long pause...............Okay......... well then, can you pick me up tomorrow, I forgot to buy a few things?
Why does this shit always happen to me?