CPR Class- What a friggin joke!
God forbid, that I ever be called upon to administer CPR to some unsuspecting, unlucky bastard, certified though I am.......I wouldn't have the foggiest idea, what to do!
Class was to commence at 6 p.m, and as always I was early, hence I sat in silence waiting for the instructor and the other participants to arrive. The class consisted of myself and 4 other women, and by 6:45 we were finally ready to begin.
Three of the ladies were roughly my age and seemingly of normal intelligence. The other was an 18 year old blond, college student, I presume, who never once looked up from her cell phone, and last but by no-means least was Mandy, a grotesquely obese, pain-in-the-ass, offensively loud, know it all, from hell....... There's one in every bunch!
Fatty's mouth ran like a ducks ass all evening. She didn't shut up for the entire class.
Except of course....while she was engrossed in the consumption of three...I say " THREE " Taco Bell Burrito Grandes, which she held in one enormous, utterly repulsive fist, while submerging it in guacamole, held in the other.
I sat there staring, aghast at this horrific scene.....
She sat there, gorging and slurping, dropping globs of avocado and bits of oily beef down her shirt while managing to cover a significant portion of the carpet with the shit, where we were soon to be kneeling, giving mouth-to-mouth, to a dated and foul smelling half- manikin... GROSS!!!!
I took Mr. Dummy and went to the other side of the room.
I spent the next half hour listening to our instructor drone on about the importance of gaining consent from an otherwise unconscious victim, only to be interrupted every minute or so by Mrs. Piggy with some witty remark or correction, of some sort...
Would somebody give her a fucking Taco, so she would SHUT-UP!
Later we were all instructed to kneel down and begin giving CPR. All 5 of us ( except for Porky, who was incapable of kneeling...bad knees, she said ) Uh-huh, whatever you say....
God forbid, that I ever be called upon to administer CPR to some unsuspecting, unlucky bastard, certified though I am.......I wouldn't have the foggiest idea, what to do!
Class was to commence at 6 p.m, and as always I was early, hence I sat in silence waiting for the instructor and the other participants to arrive. The class consisted of myself and 4 other women, and by 6:45 we were finally ready to begin.
Three of the ladies were roughly my age and seemingly of normal intelligence. The other was an 18 year old blond, college student, I presume, who never once looked up from her cell phone, and last but by no-means least was Mandy, a grotesquely obese, pain-in-the-ass, offensively loud, know it all, from hell....... There's one in every bunch!
Fatty's mouth ran like a ducks ass all evening. She didn't shut up for the entire class.
Except of course....while she was engrossed in the consumption of three...I say " THREE " Taco Bell Burrito Grandes, which she held in one enormous, utterly repulsive fist, while submerging it in guacamole, held in the other.
I sat there staring, aghast at this horrific scene.....
She sat there, gorging and slurping, dropping globs of avocado and bits of oily beef down her shirt while managing to cover a significant portion of the carpet with the shit, where we were soon to be kneeling, giving mouth-to-mouth, to a dated and foul smelling half- manikin... GROSS!!!!
I took Mr. Dummy and went to the other side of the room.
I spent the next half hour listening to our instructor drone on about the importance of gaining consent from an otherwise unconscious victim, only to be interrupted every minute or so by Mrs. Piggy with some witty remark or correction, of some sort...
Would somebody give her a fucking Taco, so she would SHUT-UP!
Later we were all instructed to kneel down and begin giving CPR. All 5 of us ( except for Porky, who was incapable of kneeling...bad knees, she said ) Uh-huh, whatever you say....
The next 15-20 minutes was spent giving mouth to mouth and cardiac compression to our "half-man manikins"...two breaths in and 30- two fisted compressions to the chest..again.....two breaths in....and 30 compressions to the chest. again....
I'm working my ass off- pumping away like the lunatic that I am, for being here in the first place, only to look over and see Blondie....doing a one hand compression, while texting on her cell phone with the other ! What the fuck?
Note to self: should I ever find myself choking or in cardiac arrest and look up to see one of these idiots--RUN!
Posts
7 comments:
I almost feel sorry for Mrs. Piggy, but I don't.
My mother used to call me, Mrs. Piggy when I was a kid...how cruel
Don't you just hate obnoxious, loud people. I wish I was there to see your face!
I wish I was your dummy!
What a hoot!LMAO
me too.I'll be your dummy any day, dump that hitler guy!
Where are you?????? We haven't heard from you in ages?? What's up?
Post a Comment