My Friend Jack

About a month ago, while sculling about on Receta I met Jack.
Jack's an expert on "all things kayak" He' s as old as Methuselah, but he'll get down on his haunches to teach or show you, anything you need to know. Sweet old guy..really
So we've become kayaking comrades!
Today we meet up for class on Dump & Rescue...which is suppose to teach me, how to get back in my boat, when and if I ever fall out.,.,which I haven't yet..I might add!
Anyway......Jack extracts a black, shower cap-looking-thingy, out of nowhere, and plops it on his head. He looks like snoopy, impersonating the Red Baron...
Then he whips out his paddle floatation device??? and who knows what else....I've lost count by now..
Okay Girly...he says...pay attention , I'm gonna show you how it's done.....
And there he goes, he flips over his kayak, faster than I can say...Looney Toon and now he's treading water.......
So I watch and try to concentrate on whats happening, right before my very eyes.....
It looks to me like his foot got stuck in one of his homemade jigger thingies.
He's upside down and bobbing up and down like a buoy.
As he's struggling to get his foot free, off pops his shoe....
I watch it drift past....and I'm figuring--- that he knows what he's doing so I paddle off on my own shoe-rescue mission...
While I'm there, I figure, I'll sneak a sippy or two of my Vodka cranberry, that I so sinuously shanghaied on board.
Feeling slightly chipper (an a wee bit woozy ) I head back over to Jack..who by now is gasping for air,... What the fuck? Is this normal ?
Meanwhile, we've acquired a few onlookers who stare in disbelief and appear to be as puzzled as I am........
Oh my God..he's drowning, for fuck sake!
Just as I'm ready to leap out of Receta and perform CPR...He rights himself, and he's back in his boat ( sprawled out across his boat really )......
The onlookers clap and cheer and I know they're thinking the same thing that I'm thinking-
This guy is fucking CRACKERS!
Meanwhile I'm pissed to the eyeballs, that I didn't sneak a Xanax or two on board, to go with that Vodka Cranberry...cause this shit..is way too much work!