The Secret To The Secret

How friggin long does it take to fax one measly piece of paper??? Evidently.... one hell-of-along time!

I've spent the better part of two days on the phone with Judge Asshole...who assured me, he had taken care of the whole damned seat-belt-ticket controversy, and I was awaiting a faxed conformation letter. ( The whole seat belt fiasco is a story all on it's own... I'll get to that another day) Anyway........So here I sit....on my fetid, fungus- infested carpet..ogling my undeniably, idle fax-machine. Okay... I say to myself...time to take matters into my own hands! Time to employ "The Secret".

I focus and concentrate my stare.. with a "loving" and "grateful" intonation..I announce aloud, to the universe at large...I will ring now! I AM ringing now!
I doesn't fucking ring!

Now to further infuriate an obviously demented and somewhat schizophrenic idiot...I realize that the secret to "The Secret" was getting a million imbeciles, like myself, to actually pay $25 on that piece of shit book! .........................F*#k me!